Ры (pbl) wrote,
Ры
pbl

нужен рекламный ролик, конечно. типа:

<Enormous, brightly lit cubicle farm. CTO station. The phones are ringing frantically, white-shirt employees are running around in circles. There's panic in the murmur of their voices.>

CTO: This is horrible, all our slaves are out of sync, RT projections are all f<beep>ed up! What are we going to do? We're losing hundreds of grand every minute!
PM: Oh I know! Remember Matt? He's a friggin' replication pro!
CTO: GET ME MATT RIGHT NOW!

<cut>

<Matt approaches hesitatingly. He's a balding, nerdy white guy in his mid-thirties. He's sweating a bit. Gulps nervously.>

CTO: Matt my man! We need your opinion, what could be wrong with our statement-level replication?
Matt: I... I don't... really...

<CTO's shocked eyes>

CTO: OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

<freeze frame>

<CAPTION, WHITE ON BLACK: REMEMBER HOW IT ALL STARTED?>

<rewind effect>

<Interview room. A young girl with a badge saying "Jenny HR" is talking to Matt.>

Jenny: ...and the last question on my list is, do you have any experience setting up binary replication on this platform?
Matt: Uh, yes... yes. At my current job, I'm setting up replication day and night. They even call me Matt, the Replication-Man. It's, uh, it's quite a daunting task, you know, you have to make sure all the ports are aligned, and the, uh, the cables are up to standards. It's really cool stuff, you know.
Jenny: Well Matt, that's very good to know. I think that will be all. We'll call you back.

<Jenny scribbles down a plus mark on her pad. There's a tall column of pluses above it.>

<freeze frame>

<CAPTION, WHITE ON BLACK: WHAT IF YOU HAD ARS&E ON YOUR SIDE?>

<Enter a grizzled man wearing severe business suit and aviator shades. His black badge simply says ARS&E.>

ARS&E: So you know replication sonny, huh?
Matt: Uh... yes, sir.
ARS&E: MENTIROSO!!!

<ARS&E pulls out a semi-auto and shoots Matt twice in the chest. Matt falls to the floor twitching, red blood pours out of his wounds. ARS&E nods to Jenny. Leaves.>

<CAPTION, WHITE ON BLACK: ARTHAS RECRUITMENT STRATEGY & EXPERTISE>

<CAPTION, WHITE ON BLACK: CULLING THE WEAK SINCE 2007>

<fast forward effect back to CTO station in crisis>

<In place of Matt there's a handsome, strong-jawed young man wearing crew cut. There's calm confidence in his eyes. He bears a small ARS&E APPROVED tattoo on his left cheek.>

CTO, DESPAIRINGLY: So Jason, what do we do now?
JASON: Well, sir, there's a rarely manifested bug in our current SE related to a certain form of inserts being pushed to tables with unique key constraints. I can track it down. Give me a minute.

<CTO breathes a sigh of deep relief. PM relaxes visibly.>

<CAPTION, WHITE ON BLACK: PLACEMENTS YOU CAN RELY UPON.>
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